"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
