we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
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