Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Is it penis luge time yet?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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