You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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