I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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