miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I'm having to shit out rocks
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
