break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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