go do what you do best...puke behind churches
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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