My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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