Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
