talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
