we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
