If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize