Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
