Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
