So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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