Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
