Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
