I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
3pm strippers are depressing
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
