We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
