i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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