i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
