I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
