if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
