your thong is hanging out like whoa
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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