She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Randomize
