I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
