I just threw up on my dentist
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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