ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
