Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
