i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
