last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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