Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
