So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
You can't motorboat a personality
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
