When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
