I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
NoShamevember. You game?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
