normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
