I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
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