You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
you win again, gameday.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
