Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
