I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
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