Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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