Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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