Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
There are leaves in my underwear?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
