Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
