I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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