Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
