well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
