i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
