Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
