Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
