And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
