Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You were trust falling into bushes
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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