he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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