He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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