Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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