And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
