why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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