Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
