We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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