people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
