where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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