He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
