party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
