It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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