I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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