i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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