I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
