it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
