A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize