Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
