this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
