just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
please come you make the beer taste better
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
