listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
