My room smells like vodka and shame
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Can I color on your dick again?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
