These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
