Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
