Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
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