I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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