You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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