you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Small penises have feelings too.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
