I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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