so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
