BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
